Oxford University Association Football Club

Skipton. The home of English football.

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K". legend has it that the lad's first words he spoke were 'Kel's up' - a phrase that now resounds around all english football pitches

The Kelster already has two goals to his name this season. One at home to St Peters, a low and powerfull strike from a free-kick just outside the area. The second, even more spectacular, scored away at Brasenose, has already gone down in legend: Special K showed his desire with a massive tackle, then burst into the box and calmly put it away.

The Cherwell has recently speculated that a man identified only as 'K' - or in some circles - the Kellster - is likely to replace Martin Keown as Blues Coach. When Keown was asked to comment, it is common knowledge that he turned to the reporter and retorted 'Look I've had enough of this fucking James Kelly rubbish, I'm contracted until 2008 and I'm not going to give up my job without a fucking fight, got it?' Furthermore, there are protests from the Keown camp that the Kel-meister is not the right man to lead the Blues. The loveable northerner has been branded a cheat by some, who have questioned his conduct in a recent game of Pictionary. These same naysayers have also called the young prodigy a "quitter" after he was heard expressing doubt at his team's ability to recover the lead in said Pictionary game. One Blues fan, who wished to remain anonymous, complained "It'd be fucking disaster if we lost a class manager like Martin to replace him with a cheating northerer like this Kelly bloke." The Keown-Kelly fued rumbles on, but Martin better watch his back - and we're not talking about the way he always used to when Steve Bould made for him in the showers at Arsenal...

After notching a 40 yard lob for the Blues, the lord mayor of Skipton has approached Kellster asking him to give a motivational speech in the town hall, after which, he would be made a fellow of the city. However, Kellster has had to decline the BBC North West news television opportunity as such an appearence would contravene his £30,000/year golden handcuffs deal with Kellogg's cereal Special K. In the same vein as KP Nuts attempted (and failed) to sign England cricketer Keven 'KP' Peiterson, Kellogg's have embraced the mood of the masses, and swooped up the Special K and his exclusive imaging rights. Despite the Kellster's well known affection for wheatabix, he has agreed to give up publically eating his beloved wheat snack in return for the mega pay off. From January, Kellster's grinning face is set to appear on a massive billboard on the M1, with the slogan 'Just Special K'. In a continuation of the simmering Kellster-Keown rivalry, Martin has responded by annoucing he will be the new face of Pedigree Chum dog food - Martin promises that a billboard six time bigger than Kellster's will be seen along the B371 near Skegness, where the writing underneath a huge a face of a barking Keown will read 'Fucking animals. you've gotta love 'em.'

Indeed, Kelster's status within the OUAFC hierachy was undermined further on Saturday 23rd February 2008, when an televised episode of football focus broadcast Kelster's footballing abilities in a less than favourable light to more than 2 million viewers. The BBC cameras recorded one particularly poor strike at goal from the Skipton winger, dribbling towards the goalkeeper at an embarrassingly slow speed - a shot that prompted Keown to respond: "he's fu#k*ng shit that lad, no way is he getting my job, he hasnt even played for England".

This performance backed up the increasingly widespread view that Kelly can only perform on the training pitch. This may be something to do with Kells' beloved, yet deformed, beanie being outlawed from matchday
kit. In his defense, the medieval bowl cut is yet to come into fashion and any attempt to cover it up has to be congratulated. Alternatively, it may be due to James' compulsory visits to night clubs every day of the week in order to keep his '10-15 girls a term' average up.

Skipton. The home of English football.

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K". legend has it that the lad's first words he spoke were 'Kel's up' - a phrase that now resounds around all english football pitches

The Kelster already has two goals to his name this season. One at home to St Peters, a low and powerfull strike from a free-kick just outside the area. The second, even more spectacular, scored away at Brasenose, has already gone down in legend: Special K showed his desire with a massive tackle, then burst into the box and calmly put it away.

The Cherwell has recently speculated that a man identified only as 'K' - or in some circles - the Kellster - is likely to replace Martin Keown as Blues Coach. When Keown was asked to comment, it is common knowledge that he turned to the reporter and retorted 'Look I've had enough of this fucking James Kelly rubbish, I'm contracted until 2008 and I'm not going to give up my job without a fucking fight, got it?' Furthermore, there are protests from the Keown camp that the Kel-meister is not the right man to lead the Blues. The loveable northerner has been branded a cheat by some, who have questioned his conduct in a recent game of Pictionary. These same naysayers have also called the young prodigy a "quitter" after he was heard expressing doubt at his team's ability to recover the lead in said Pictionary game. One Blues fan, who wished to remain anonymous, complained "It'd be fucking disaster if we lost a class manager like Martin to replace him with a cheating northerer like this Kelly bloke." The Keown-Kelly fued rumbles on, but Martin better watch his back - and we're not talking about the way he always used to when Steve Bould made for him in the showers at Arsenal...

After notching a 40 yard lob for the Blues, the lord mayor of Skipton has approached Kellster asking him to give a motivational speech in the town hall, after which, he would be made a fellow of the city. However, Kellster has had to decline the BBC North West news television opportunity as such an appearence would contravene his £30,000/year golden handcuffs deal with Kellogg's cereal Special K. In the same vein as KP Nuts attempted (and failed) to sign England cricketer Keven 'KP' Peiterson, Kellogg's have embraced the mood of the masses, and swooped up the Special K and his exclusive imaging rights. Despite the Kellster's well known affection for wheatabix, he has agreed to give up publically eating his beloved wheat snack in return for the mega pay off. From January, Kellster's grinning face is set to appear on a massive billboard on the M1, with the slogan 'Just Special K'. In a continuation of the simmering Kellster-Keown rivalry, Martin has responded by annoucing he will be the new face of Pedigree Chum dog food - Martin promises that a billboard six time bigger than Kellster's will be seen along the B371 near Skegness, where the writing underneath a huge a face of a barking Keown will read 'Fucking animals. you've gotta love 'em.'

Indeed, Kelster's status within the OUAFC hierachy was undermined further on Saturday 23rd February 2008, when an televised episode of football focus broadcast Kelster's footballing abilities in a less than favourable light to more than 2 million viewers. The BBC cameras recorded one particularly poor strike at goal from the Skipton winger, dribbling towards the goalkeeper at an embarrassingly slow speed - a shot that prompted Keown to respond: "he's fu#k*ng shit that lad, no way is he getting my job, he hasnt even played for England".

The feud continues...

Kelly is truly is a force to be reckoned with...

Skipton. The home of English football.

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K". legend has it that the lad's first words he spoke were 'Kel's up' - a phrase that now resounds around all english football pitches

The Kelster already has two goals to his name this season. One at home to St Peters, a low and powerfull strike from a free-kick just outside the area. The second, even more spectacular, scored away at Brasenose, has already gone down in legend: Special K showed his desire with a massive tackle, then burst into the box and calmly put it away.

The Cherwell has recently speculated that a man identified only as 'K' - or in some circles - the Kellster - is likely to replace Martin Keown as Blues Coach. When Keown was asked to comment, it is common knowledge that he turned to the reporter and retorted 'Look I've had enough of this fucking James Kelly rubbish, I'm contracted until 2008 and I'm not going to give up my job without a fucking fight, got it?' Furthermore, there are protests from the Keown camp that the Kel-meister is not the right man to lead the Blues. The loveable northerner has been branded a cheat by some, who have questioned his conduct in a recent game of Pictionary. These same naysayers have also called the young prodigy a "quitter" after he was heard expressing doubt at his team's ability to recover the lead in said Pictionary game. One Blues fan, who wished to remain anonymous, complained "It'd be fucking disaster if we lost a class manager like Martin to replace him with a cheating northerer like this Kelly bloke." The Keown-Kelly fued rumbles on, but Martin better watch his back - and we're not talking about the way he always used to when Steve Bould made for him in the showers at Arsenal...

After notching a 40 yard lob for the Blues, the lord mayor of Skipton has approached Kellster asking him to give a motivational speech in the town hall, after which, he would be made a fellow of the city. However, Kellster has had to decline the BBC North West news television opportunity as such an appearence would contravene his £30,000/year golden handcuffs deal with Kellogg's cereal Special K. In the same vein as KP Nuts attempted (and failed) to sign England cricketer Keven 'KP' Peiterson, Kellogg's have embraced the mood of the masses, and swooped up the Special K and his exclusive imaging rights. Despite the Kellster's well known affection for wheatabix, he has agreed to give up publically eating his beloved wheat snack in return for the mega pay off. From January, Kellster's grinning face is set to appear on a massive billboard on the M1, with the slogan 'Just Special K'. In a continuation of the simmering Kellster-Keown rivalry, Martin has responded by annoucing he will be the new face of Pedigree Chum dog food - Martin promises that a billboard six time bigger than Kellster's will be seen along the B371 near Skegness, where the writing underneath a huge a face of a barking Keown will read 'Fucking animals. you've gotta love 'em.' The fued continues...

Kelly is truly is a force to be reckoned with...

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K".

The Kelster already has two goals to his name this season. One at home to St Peters, a low and powerfull strike from a free-kick just outside the area. The second, even more spectacular, scored away at Brasenose, has already gone down in legend: Special K showed his desire with a massive tackle, then burst into the box and calmly put it away.

The Cherwell has recently speculated that a man identified only as 'K' - or in some circles - the Kellster - is likely to replace Martin Keown as Blues Coach. When Keown was asked to comment, it is common knowledge that he turned to the reporter and retorted 'Look I've had enough of this fucking James Kelly rubbish, I'm contracted until 2008 and I'm not going to give up my job without a fucking fight, got it?' Furthermore, there are protests from the Keown camp that the Kel-meister is not the right man to lead the Blues. The loveable northerner has been branded a cheat by some, who have questioned his conduct in a recent game of Pictionary. These same naysayers have also called the young prodigy a "quitter" after he was heard expressing doubt at his team's ability to recover the lead in said Pictionary game. One Blues fan, who wished to remain anonymous, complained "It'd be fucking disaster if we lost a class manager like Martin to replace him with a cheating northerer like this Kelly bloke." The Keown-Kelly fued rumbles on, but Martin better watch his back - and we're not talking about the way he always used to when Steve Bould made for him in the showers at Arsenal...

Kelly is truly is a force to be reckoned with...

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K".

The Kelster already has two goals to his name this season. One at home to St Peters, a low and powerfull strike from a free-kick just outside the area. The second, even more spectacular, scored away at Brasenose, has already gone down in legend: Special K showed his desire with a massive tackle, then burst into the box and calmly put it away.

The Cherwell has recently speculated that a man identified only as 'K' - or in some circles - the Kellster - is likely to replace Martin Keown as Blues Coach. When Keown was asked to comment, it is common knowledge that he turned to the reporter and retorted 'Look I've had enough of this fucking James Kelly rubbish, I'm contracted until 2008 and I'm not going to give up my job without a fucking fight, got it?' The Keown-Kelly fued rumbles on, but Martin better watch his back - and we're not talking about the way he always used to when Steve Bould made for him in the showers at Arsenal...

He truly is a force to be reckoned with...

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K".

The Cherwell has recently speculated that a man identified only as 'K' - or in some circles - the Kellster - is likely to replace Martin Keown as Blues Coach. When Keown was asked to comment, it is common knowledge that he turned to the reporter and retorted 'Look I've had enough of this fucking James Kelly rubbish, I'm contracted until 2008 and I'm not going to give up my job without a fucking fight, got it?' The Keown-Kelly fued rumbles on, but Martin better watch his back - and we're not talking about the way he always used to when Steve Bould made for him in the showers at Arsenal...

He truly is a force to be reckoned with...

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Special K".

He truly is a force to be reckoned with...

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Spcial K".

He truly is a force to be reckoned with...

James Kelly is the already fabled cental midfielder of the Queens 1st XI, although this versatile young man is also a demon left winger. His left foot is already feared throughout the JCR Second Division and his ability to win the aerial battle is yet another feature of his scintillating game. His Stephen Gerrard-esque work rate in the middle of the park has already established him as the engine room of an industrious and formidable Queens midfield, and earnt him the nickame "Spcial K".
The Kelster already has two goals to his name this season. One at home to St Peters, a low and powerfull strike from a free-kick just outside the area. The second, even more spectacular, scored away at Brasenose, has already gone down in legend: Special K showed his desire with a massive tackle, then burst into the box and calmly put it away.
A force to be reckoned with...

Kellys already scored two this season - one at home to St Peters - and one - more infamously away at Brasenose! ;)